To work or not to work?

Isn't she darling? It's so much fun to dress her up! Funny thing is, she's always dressed better than me! Always! I think instead of buying myself clothes I bought her a ton-back when I was working full-time and had the extra money!

Before my 12-week leave was up, I knew I wouldn't be ready to go back to my full-time position, so I switched to working PRN (as needed). It's worked out alright so far, friends/family have been able to babysit her for those few instances. But it seems like everytime I go in, I dread it. Normally Ella and I sleep til about 9am, so on those days I go to work, we both have to wake up early and that's no fun! Then it takes forever to get ready because I need to feed her, change her, get myself ready, pump, pack a million different things to take with just in case she needs it.... Then dropping her off and driving to work takes over an hour.... I'm not sure if my small paycheck is worth it! Almost every day I wonder should I find another job closer to home, or something with a more regular schedule and look into daycare, or should I just take an indefinite break from work? But considering that my parents spent a lot of money sending me to college for my BS, and now my husband is stuck paying my student loan for my MS - how can I justify not working at all?

Here's the other thing that I'm on the fence about: when do you have another baby? My sister is 15 months older than me, and I'm so glad that we are close in age that I sort of want to have another baby soon so that Ella can have that same sort of relationship with her sister (or brother). But adjusting to having one baby was a lot for me, I can't even imagine having 2 little ones! Plus poor Ryan is somewhat neglected...

All I can say, is that I don't know how a mom is supposed to juggle everything! Maybe I just never had an appreciation for everything the role entails... And I'm not even doing all that much, compared to other supermoms, like my sister-in-law, Jessica... www.miajoie.blogspot.com I remember when I was younger I thought I'd be a "supermom"... I guess I can still earn that title one day!